Do not call me dear, if I don't call you honey.

It's common place around here to greet an elderly person or 'egbon' as they love to bear 'good morning' and he or she lifts up a hand to give you a dismissing 'how are you?'.  Nigerians are well known for answering questions by posing another question, so it's almost permissible to respond to a greeting by asking a question.
When asked "how are you?", you will think the answer matters to them, they really do not want to know if you are fine, broke, busted, or hungry. Not like they care. It's just the 'egbon' syndrome. Egbons ask the younger ones 'how are you?'... I am yet to see anyone fire "how are you?" at the boss when he or she comes in and says good morning. The chorus would automatically be 'good morning sir/ ma'. "How are you?" has been reserved for the younger or subordinate.

Some add endearment to theirs, 'how are you, my dear'....Most occurrences, the 'dear' is a girl, woman, or a small child especially when it is coming from a non-relative. The younger men get "how are you my boy?",  "how are you my brother?"
Office environments are no longer kept official especially when it's a first name basis relationship, Nigerians go the extra mile to stop being official but endearing. That we relate on first name basis doesn't mean you are special to me or I am to you in  the office. Do not call me dear, if I don't call you honey.

So there is this new elderly man at the office security post, he should have been around for close to a month. For every 'good morning' or good 'anything' I extend to him, he replies with 'xxxxxxx my dear' , good morning my dear, good night my dear....I thought he was going to change.

Last week, 'the good night, my dear' almost spoiled my evening. I am your boss for crying out loud and I am not your sister or grandchild. Oh! yes! he is old! old enough to be a grand dad! old enough to be this and that...but this is an office, and you are not my dad and I am not your dear. I got into hubby's waiting car and told him how I felt with this oddity.

I was looking forward to the following morning for the greeting so as to deal with it. He didn't show up for another one week. Then this morning, he was there. As usual, he answered my greetings with a 'how are you, my dear'? .  So I looked straight into his eyes and told him, 'Oga, when next I greet you, just answer me good morning. Do not call me dear, I am not your dear'. He was shocked, his colleagues and supervisor were shocked, I was shocked too because normally, I endure all manners from the aged, but for crying out load, I'm tired of being everybody's dear.

Case closed!

'You are a big girl now, forget aso-odun'

So 2015 is here, I must admit it kind of crept in. I still have some 'To do in 2014' undone, some goals yet to be achieved and some dreams still hard to pin down, but we move on.

One should be excited about the cross-over night especially when you chose your activity for the night. I chose to spend mine at church but I wasn't too excited; I did say my thank you's to Him who owns my soul but at a point it felt like a drag; I was forcing the gratitude out as I had flashes of many things that could have been but didn't. 

 The invited minister got up and started talking about me kind of; burdened heart, weary body, dashed hopes, bounced checks....he was just peeping into my heart and talking. Then he quoted Habakuk "Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation......"  oh! peace flowed through me.  Then I offered praises from my heart, telling God though I wanted the fig trees to blossom but still I'll praise him....it felt good eventually. It's hard to praise God when your Christmas check bounced. 

You see, my Christmas check was returned. Arrrr! My heart almost stopped beating, I've made plans. This period isn't just about the holidays, I have more financial commitments this period, some good works and some goodies for myself. I had been obsessed about 'aso-odun' for a while. I wanted a teal lace with bright-in-your-eyes yellow accessories, matching gele and maybe a 'bad' shoe to die for.  My buddy and I had made plans when to hit Balogun, buy the lace, buy neck and ear pieces with a matching gele. It was going to be a bright Christmas until the check was returned. 

But then, I consoled myself it would clear before the new year. I had called the account owner and he apologized telling me to represent the check. Then Christmas came and left, I fought the bad feeling that would come with that experience, I could execute every other plans but for the aso-odun. So I told myself, you are a big girl now, forget aso-odun. My friends and I had fun and was even at Agodi Parks and Resort Garden (That place is bliss, you should visit!) 

Presenting the check after Christmas holidays, I was fully assured I'll have money to blow around. I would console myself with a big pot of goat pepper soup on the 1st day of the 2015, boil ripe plantain, pop wine and blast music. Then cook a pot of rice for hubby's abokis; Abdullahi, Sanni and their friends. So imagine my despair when I got the bad news as a bank notification, the check didn't clear the second time. 

If I was White one would have seen the colour drain out of my face. My heart was sinking fast and before it got to my feet, I had to sit, then lie down. This time, I did the right thing between the issuer and myself; I ended our contract abruptly.

If the check was just about pepper soup, I can head to any 'mama ope' and buy me a steaming hot bowl of well spiced pepper soup, but my birthday would be in another 5 days and I had made plans too; host 30 friends, do some acoustic worship, dine, merry, take pictures, have fun. That would cost money too but the check was returned.

So, while in church, my mind was going to stay on that silly check. It was hard to concentrate but I won, if He won't withhold his son from us, would he not freely provide pepper soup and boiled plantain? 

So today is 1st of another 365. I'm home, I didn't make plans to go out, so I'm watching TV, popped wine, ate rice, stayed on twitter, revised goals, got angry, got excited, danced to songs without drums....and would maybe buy me that steaming hot goat meat pepper-soup later in the evening if the desire doesn't fizzle out.

It's the beginning of a fresh start, nothing would spoil the day for me. 

Awon onigbese jatijati!

“Folks are usually as happy about as happy as they make their minds up to be”

I have always supposed there was something not right about finding happiness, I mean, why do we have to find, look for, pursue happiness like it has a made-up mind to always break away from us? Watching little children proved me right; they are not in search of anything, they just create their own happy state.


Bella thinks she would be happy if Desmond proposes. Her life would just be perfect and heavenly. And I am wondering, “What would happen if Desmond walks away, does happiness walk out with him?


Aunty Dee thinks just one baby would bring her all the happiness she wants. She’s gone from pillar to post in search of this miracle baby; she would call him ‘Tanwa’ when he arrives. Tanwa means – ‘what we have been looking for’. Here I am thinking -”what if Tanwa doesn’t come eventually or Tanwa comes as a girl, would that not be half cup of happiness?


Well, I want a big car, SUV or a car-bus. I’ll be really ‘happy’ when I get one. But you know life goes on without a big car, right?


Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m upset, and sometimes I’m overwhelmed and get teary. It’s okay to cry, I tell myself always. The big deal is what happens after the crying episode, I move on. Staying unhappy takes too much energy from me; it drains me of life literally. So like a kid, I cry and laugh at little or no intervals. I have no explanation for this but it is pure bliss.


Kids fascinate me; give one a chore to do, he may grumble first, then reluctantly get on the chore and in another minute, he may be dancing, whistling or singing on the same chore he took up reluctantly. They don’t look for happiness, kids create theirs. I believe they are the one on the right path, the path of creating happiness around you.




Image credit: www.beyondthecarseat.com


The circumstances may be far from favourable, the tides may seemingly be against you but happiness shouldn’t be far from you always. Happiness stems from your own actions, what you choose to do- happiness is never ready-made, no one find happiness- you create it. Finding happiness is giving someone (or maybe something and an event) the responsibility of making you happy; I think that’s too much to relinquish.


May Desmond propose soon to Bella and if he doesn’t, may Bella understand that it is not Desmond that brings her happiness, it is the expression of her love for him that does that. She created her emotions by expressing it…may Aunty Dee’s Tanwa come very soon, and if he delays or decides to come as a girl, may Aunty Dee’s cup be filled with happiness always, the one she would continuously create. And may my big car not delay any longer. But while we all wait, we must sing Hakuna Matata always…don’t worry, be happy.


Happiness is a feeling created by the expression of love coming out of you, when you express or anticipate love, you feel happy…if you express emotions of fear and anger, you will experience same.





“Folks are usually as happy about as happy as they make their minds up to be” – Abraham Lincoln

You should nap at work, if you need to, Just do it Right

Sometimes ago, I walked in to a CEO’s office for a meeting and he was roused from under the table. “Oga was really tired, he needed a nap” said his P.A; the carpet was very comfy anyway, I’m sure he would only have missed his pillows. One can’t tell how many times these big ogas take a power nap behind their closed doors, we only know when they emerge from that door, they are ready to take on the world; truth is , a little nap at work does wonder and I am saying; “You should nap at work, if you need to”


Professionals in a busy city like ours are struggling to get enough sleep and would need a break during the day. Before you scream “productivity”, know that power naps boost productivity. Serious but tired employees get revitalized and ready for more after a short nap. I also agree that slobs would be more tired and need a bed, pillows, blankets and drawn blinds during work hours to boost their energy, this is not about them, it’s about those who are focused on deliverables at work.


I found this picture of an office in Vietnam, isn't it cool? It's sleep time at work.




Image credit: maxgoestovietnam.blogspot.com


It’s unlikely your boss agrees to zoning out for 30 minutes at work, “sleeping on duty” is regarded as a work crime here, but, if you need to take that nap, I might just show you how to do it properly.


Get a team- together everybody achieves more, right? And that includes more naps and productivity. You may need someone’s space for the nap and another to cover up for you the 30 minutes you are “gone”.


Master the art of the quick wake up- you have to wake up sharp, at alert and ready; no yawning, no stretching. Leave that till you hit the bed.


Thou shall not snore- if you snore, don’t sleep at work. If you sleep at work, don’t ever snore; it’s embarrassing. Go get your cup of coffee for the alertness as power nap isn’t for you. Sleep so adorably no one wants to rouse you “sshhhh… she’s such a sleeping beauty”.


Nap can’t be more than 30 minutes, if you are doing it right. I don’t want to cover up for someone who would sleep 60 minutes at work.


Remember the 11th commandment “thou shall not be caught” and if you are ever caught, then thou shall not be jittery. Tell the boss you needed that break for productivity.

Pee Colour is Serious Matter

Have you ever taken a peek into the toilet bowl after emptying your bladder and seeing the dark yellow urine then instinctively check your temperature? . Lol! I bet some of you did and still do.  I did countless times as more than often; my urine was amber or dark yellow. By reflex, I would feel my temperature to be sure I was not running a fever.

I wasn't the kind to stop and drink water, maybe only at meal times or when I’m exhausted from running around with the boys. I always knew something was wrong with that colour of urine but since I wasn't running a fever, I shrugged it off time after time. Well, I wasn't totally wrong, urine is diagnostic but not for fever like I thought.

So what does your pee colour say about your wellness?

Ideally, your urine should be pale straw or transparent yellow. Urine gets its colour from a yellow pigment called urochrome. So when your urine has that pale or transparent yellow colour, you are well hydrated and healthy.

Do you know you can also have too much water in the system? No colour or transparent urine says you are drinking too much fluid and your body is eager to get rid of the excess water. When you are on a diuretic, you will also be passing water frequently. A diuretic is any substance that promotes the production of urine; it could be recommended drugs, caffeinated drinks and beverages or even high-water content fruits.

Dark yellow means you can do better and drink more water. But if your urine is amber or honey colour, you may need to get up and drink some water now, as in, NOW.

People who drink less than 2 litres of water daily do not only get dehydrated; they also have constipation. Too much troubles for not drinking enough water; I had them all.

The urine shouldn't get out of the yellow spectrum of colour. If the urine looks like syrup, it could be severe dehydration.  If drinking lots of water fails to eliminate the colour, please visit the doctor. You should know pee colour is serious matter, don’t shrug it off, if you notice any strange colouration please see a doctor!

Image Courtesy: Thinkstock/Getty Images

Meet the new D.O.P. in town

You don’t know your limits, how far you can stretch until you try- and this is no motivation talk; it’s from an experience I had.


There were some things I thought I would never be able to do, that I had no capacity for. I knew I could write to express myself but being a director of photography, telling a story with pictures looked almost impossible but I needed to make this happen at work to create a beautiful experience.


Here is how I conquered; I called uncle K (Kelechi Amadi-Obi) and asked to sit with him for few minutes. Uncle K gave me sixty minutes of his time and taught me how to create a mood board. I did and created a theme.


I went back to the office and sat with P&Y team and together brainstormed on props and settings.


The D-day came and I got all props and executed these beautiful work. Ijeoma is known more as Ozichi and the cutie, Zemira is her spirited daughter. Check out the pictures and tell me if I am a good DOP…















The guitar girl





















Time for the mama-girl dance












do as I do





You should buy this copy of Pregnancy and You magazine to see all the other beautiful pictures and read Ozichi's story. Check out Pregnancy and You on facebook and connect for more info

I'm so excited!!!

Oh I missed out my picture -

Nostalgia : Pleasant Memories

It was a Thursday morning and I was walking behind these cute boys and their mom heading to school. Mom was holding the younger one, while the other walked beside them carrying his school bag and food pack in his white joggers and blue vest; Thursdays must be their sport activity day.

Little brother dropped his pencil but momma wasn't looking at them, she concentrated on making it to school as depicted by her pace. The little one had to signal to his brother to pick up the pencil; little big brother did and held on to the pencil. Like a flash, the little one protested and made some funny faces at his brother who didn't wait to think about anything before handing the pencil over to its owner. I smiled! God knows how many times the pencil would drop before their final destination. And that brought me pleasant memories.

Growing up, my big brother led me to nursery class every day. We got a coin each for lunch and I would hold my 10 kobo in my hand. School was a little distance down the quarters and we trekked like most kids. The bladder holds so little and for shorter periods as kids and I was no exception, it only came with the drama of most cute girls (winks).  

You know little girls can be dramatic when they have to pee, I think they wait till their tiny bladder is about to give way before frantically pull down the panties and pull up their dress with some funny dance to accompany the activity. I would stop by to pee and most time I dropped the coin unknowingly while ‘doing’ the drama.

Time after time, I dropped the coin and when I grasped that the coin was gone, and I would cry so hard that Niyi would give me his coin. Sweet brother! Yet I never allowed him to hold the coin for me till we get to school.

Now, I think Niyi should have collected the coin from home and kept till we got to school or he should have allowed me cry out my eyes if I refused and loose the coin eventually. But wasn't that why we were children; pure in thoughts, innocence in acts and naive in reasoning?

I didn't have the honour of harvesting this act as my younger brothers went to a different nursery school.  God knew I may not have given them my coin.

Sweet thing is big brother still has my back till now, grown and no longer in the same nest, he still shares his stuff with his father’s daughter.

PS- this is my Neyoski as I call him 

Bimbola and  Niyi 

WOULD YOU RIDE WITH ME?

I remember the first time I came across the word joy-ride, I thought it would mean just what it looks like, a joy ride, you could imagine the disappointment when I ‘googled’ it.  I added it mentally to my compiling list of words that I have strong opinions about, words like nostalgia, bucket-list, ambiguous, gusto and many more because I had a funny idea of what I thought those words should mean. I thought nostalgia should mean irritating or something close to that,  like nauseating,  then ambiguous should mean something big and obvious and I thought joy-ride would mean taking a happy ride, hands in the air, wind in the face thing; not true. In fact, taking a joy-ride is criminal according to Wikipedia. I have no explanation for why I thought about these words that way, I am not a native speaker of the language and my imagination is allowed to go wild about words. I’m working on speaking English in my dreams, and then I would be sure I have overcome this grammar ‘thing’ eventually. lol.

Joy-ride: dictionary.com meaning-  

1.a pleasure ride in an automobile, especially when the vehicle is driven recklessly or used without theowner's permission.

2. a brief, emotionally exciting interlude

Joy-ride: my definition-

1. happy ride, in an open roof car driving on high speed on a road free of bumps and traffic, or exciting ride on a happy wild horse on mountain sides

2. a brief, emotionally exciting interlude …you get the picture?

I am just sticking to my definition for this piece because I want a joy-ride, my two definitions though, nothing criminal.

Would it not be really cool to take a smooth ride from the mainland in a convertible (maybe the Ford Mustang) to a far place like Badagry? You know,  getting high on some hard or soft rock all the way, no traffic jam, no pot holes, air in the hair and getting to one of the beautiful beaches of Badagry, walking bare-foot and drinking from the tender coconut its water? That would be some good evening for me, I could be tempted to sleep under the stars till day break…sigh!
Some little excitement is good for the soul and body, life shouldn't be all seriousness, we aren't coming out alive anyway, so don’t only set goals and more goals and more goals, live and live well. What happened to exploring? Like visiting different countries of the world or even remote villages and mountain climbing with some friends? Or driving through the desert for the sake of it? Getting on a roller-coaster; I've never done that before and would like to though I learnt I could get the fainting spell, or what about swimming in the ocean? (I’m just kidding about the ocean thing; I still get lily-livered at the sight of the rushing waves)

Photo credit: Vroomgirls.com

Talk about adventures and fun, I am a wild dreamer, I should become a wild doer and stop dreaming, maybe I need a willing partner, who knows- we could get on a speed boat together, what can God not do?

I saw this quote somewhere and it justified my desire for heart-pumping fun “Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto” Dale Carnegie

So for this forth-coming holiday, I need to make the blood pump faster, would you take a joy-ride with me?

TO LEND MONEY PEOPLE IS HUMAN, TO COLLECT IT IS DIVINE

Lend (v)- to grant the use of something on condition that it or its equivalent will be returned.

My brother tweeted this some days back and I laughed hard and then stated that it was a painful bad truth. Most times, one needs divine intervention to collect back something (money in most occurrences) that was collected in privy. When the borrower comes to borrow, he asks that you be excused if there’s an eager third party and you step out to have the quiet talk spiced with many promises and a lot of swearing… “God knows I will repay”, “I promise!”... “walahi!”... “I won’t disappoint”…

Fast forward to due date, you would expect his/her call till you have seemingly waited for ever, and then when the guy calls, he’s in a hurry to end the call and says “sorry, please send your account details”. Hope rising, you send the account details and wait endlessly for the bank notification. Unending wait I tell you.

A friend shared some of his experiences with me lately about “good people” that he lent money to and when it was time to refund, the “good people” pulled off their masks and showed him how nasty they could be. By the time he got to the third story, I was tempted to ask him how he managed to keep on burning his fingers… honestly, the guy must have “burnt” all of 10 fingers. And the effrontery people have when they owe you! Someone even abused him so much and told him to stop feeling like a rich dude! So much for being helpful

It’s not just awful that you have tarnished your integrity as I am NEVER eager to lend defaulters again you are also blocking other people’s chances. Some people genuinely need money that they are not able to pull together at the time of need and a helping hand is needed to save the day but if the lender has horrible experiences of defaulters in time past, he is most likely going to turn a deaf hear as he doesn’t know if he would ever get to be repaid.

Now “remember” to pay anyone you have borrowed from, not necessarily because you like to, but because your friend, brother, sister or anyone else may need financial assistance and it won’t be fair that your failure to refund has influenced their being denied.  What goes round comes round eventually.

It’s possible things haven’t turned out like you expected and you don’t have the money yet, be courteous enough to show remorse and apologize for not being able to pay nevertheless. Who knows? You may get a voluntary write-off of the debt. This is better than acting up, I tell you.

Do I owe you? Buzz my line ASAP (lol)

GO BACK TO THAT NOTE

My informal training this past month has brought wonderful people across my path, from the pharmacist turned journalist, Tolu Ogunlesi to Jon Gambrell, AP Chief Correspondent in Nigeria, to Bukola Kogbe, the HR guru, and Harry Akinola to Jimi Tewe, all very seasoned speakers and instructors. Hearing them teach about significance makes the heart beat faster because of wide dreams and possibilities awakening.

My notepad is loaded!!! My storage device almost full with slides and audio files, and yet there are other meetings to attend still, another workshop in a short while, and the notes may keep piling.

If one would write exams for what has been acquired in knowledge per month or quarterly like we do in formal settings, how well would one do?

For most people, we tend to pay more attention to our formal education, we attend classes religiously, cram our notes and study hard to pass our exams, which in most cases, these knowledge seem not too relevant in life scenarios. We would actually be better developed and increase in value if we pay more attention to our informal classes as life seem to impact more through the informal setting. I think I've learnt valuable practical lessons from the informal than the formal.

We all need to befriend our notes more. Apart from seminars, workshops, training or even church, some of us write our spur of the moment ideas, inspirations and thoughts in our notepads, the burning sensation that hits us when a speaker says something we agree with or find fascinating makes us write those words down, and that sensation can be relived if we will go back to the notes later.

Don’t we feel like we could conquer anything when we are just done with another life improvement teaching? Don’t we get energy to want to take on much more from those workshops? Then after a week or so, the note pad is closed and some, if not all the inspiration we got is almost evaporated. Go back to that note!

There’s a lot one can learn from an old note, you may even find those ideas and actions plans you were inspired to put down on how to take your life to the next level you never executed. You may get inspired to take on a task you've found challenging or seemingly impossible.

See; Life brings exams too like the school system, except that there are no timetables and the exams are always impromptu, they come disguised as new challenges or opportunities, only those who have taken their informal classes serious are able to excel. They have gone through their notes and they have applied the knowledge learnt. Would you pass?

Read your notes frequently, you’ll be a better person, listen to that podcast again, put the audio book on your phone and listen to it. Go through the slides again. Do whatever has to be done, wisdom lies in applying knowledge.

Still like a child

The heat has been almost unbearable for a while and the rain would bring so much relief, everyone desired that and so it rained, as the droplets were hitting my roof, only one thing was on my mind; to get into the rain.

It was in the night and I was supposed to be sleeping, sleep also chose to elude me this particular night, so I was there on my bed wishing I was in the rain. I craved the taste of rain water and only the showers of rain could soothe my skin like I wanted that night but I wouldn’t get into that rain, I’m a grown woman plus someone’s  missis.  Sigh! So much for growing up!

I miss the little girl that I was; I was a child and nothing else!!

I could stay in the rain or choose to run around in it or even dance in it, or better still, cup my hands under a heavy downpour and just gulp the rain let-down (oh my! That used to be heavenly, now don’t tell me you haven’t tried that, I did over and over again)

I miss the days we would sing and run and chase each other on the bushy roads that led to our home.  We could trek any distance and never felt the pain; I could do many things and not be bothered about what others might think of us!

I miss the days of our pardonable mischief as children; days when we would stay behind dad’s bedroom window whispering and giggling till he shouts “E s’ere lo o” (Please go and play somewhere else) –and that was our ticket to freedom, we would not be back till dusk from wherever we decided “somewhere else” was.

Childhood was fun! Pure fun! No techie stuff to play with, but I had fun I must say.

“Grow up and leave childhood behind”, right? I have, but I packed a baggage full of my childlike ways to last me a life-time.

I still dance to an audience of one; and that’s me! And if you walk in on me at that time, God bless you, you can enjoy the free show as I hardly stop. And I still shamelessly beat the table as I shout my songs ( I really can’t call that singing)   like we used to do then and I still make faces, there is hardly any face contortion I haven’t tried.

I like little children for many reasons but I like them more for one reason, they are children!

A child has no worries, a child doesn’t “think” about it, a child is easily persuaded, a child moves on easily. I am trying hard to not think too much about things this day and just do it being fully persuaded that I can trust God like a child trusts the parent.

The baggage I packed from childhood couldn’t contain so many things but I’m grateful for the ones I stuffed in, I will acquire more as the journey demands, kids are fun and I just want to keep the fun in my life, simple!

And dear rain, I may get into you any time soon, especially if you choose to fall in the evening of one of the weekends, cross my heart!!

Work in Progress

As much as I would have loved you to think that I’m a saint and I have everything in place, we all know it’s not true so there is no need for the façade, every man especially me, is work in progress because God isn’t through with me yet. So from the construction site, I bring you a brief report. It’s not a full one though as the contractor is still busy on site but I tell you, he’s done with this side of the project and it’s a good job I say. He’s best at what he does and here is the report.

Have you ever being in a state of envy? I’m not saying you’re being envied or you ‘think’ someone known or unknown is being envious of you, I’m talking about you being the culprit, you are the one envying, the one who wishes to be the other girl, well, I slipped into that and didn’t even stay there alone, took it a step further, I didn’t want to see her!

I grew up being carefree; if I didn’t have it or couldn’t have it, then it wasn’t mine, I wouldn’t lose sleep or blink an eye over anything that wasn’t mine, not even the most gorgeous of dresses or fanciful shoes, I only admired and moved on, my mum saw to that initially and God ensured I stayed that way. I just didn’t care about any other person’s materials or things I couldn’t afford. I had my eyes only on mine, if I was getting anything it was because I needed it and could afford it not because a friend had it. I wouldn’t just be given to vanities. Plus, I loved people and would be happy for anyone who is doing fine, happy with anyone who had or did not have, I could love anything or anybody, I was a happy cheer leader.

Then last year, I began to bear a grudge. I didn’t like her and I could justify my feelings, I told myself how selfish and inconsiderate and cold she was, how she was always looking out for herself alone and how she could never be my friend and bla bla bla plus she had this beautiful ‘enviable’ platonic relationship that I in my ‘sainthood’ thought she didn’t deserve. I was gradually beginning to resent her.

I didn’t know it was a big deal until her name could make my heart beat faster, and then I knew there was a big problem; I had slipped out of love into being something else.  My eyes were off track and counting another person’s blessings, who made me judge and friendship allocator, hey? I had allowed the wrong seed to grow. I needed to get it uprooted and get right with God. It was no longer about her, not about anything she could have been or not be but about God and I. Did God not say to earnestly desire and pursue love, for God is love?

I had to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, telling myself how much of God’s love is in my heart to share. Yes, I took it further by being genuinely interested in things that concerned her and confessing God’s word concerning her.  After a while, stuffs that triggered the resentments no longer had meaning to me, my eyes were again on the beautiful things in God’s plan for my life and the beautiful relationships he has brought along my path and my countless blessings. I think we get jealous when we count other’s peoples blessings rather than ours, well, my eyes are back on mine!

I’m happy this is done with, no resentments, no envy, no jealousy! I’m God’s work in progress and I am fully assured He isn’t quitting site yet until I attain full maturity and walk into his glory.  

Sista oh sista!!!

Sista oh  sista!!!

I get attracted to fine girls easily; now don’t blame me, who won’t? When I see or I’m chanced to meet someone who has taken the pains to groom her body well, I get to look at her and pass a smile, and in my head and heart, I give her a big thumb up, especially if everything is well coordinated, the colours not running wild or the make-up amuck. Well I am still working on being chic, so I keep looking at those who’ve mastered the arts.

                But beyond the arts, sisters, we need to up our game! In recent times, I have met ladies who were all beauty alone, sustaining a healthy conversation was almost impossible. When discussions moved beyond make-up and fashion, you would be shocked at their level of ignorance. Some were not even the fashionistas, they just didn’t know any other thing beyond their tiny world. Alright, I know for the very spiritual sistas-sista, you are quick to say those stuffs are not part of your bible or of your academics, but I tell you Jesus knew the ways of the world around him; he just didn’t walk in them.

Maybe it’s me, but ignorance gets at me. I was brought up to read the newspapers daily and to at least watch the popular NTA news, I am not saying you should read the papers daily though but stay informed. Some little things matter, I have met some fine girl who didn’t know who Tambuwal was, another once asked if Chimamanda was a movie star, then one very spiritual sis was discovered to not have ever heard of Farouk Lawan. Hmmn! How would you ever pass an interview please?

The uncurious woman is boring and the easiest to forget, I tell you. Don’t tell me it’s no big deal because it is. You see, the most attractive part of any woman (and man too) is the brain. So work more on that, groom your body but groom your brain and spirit more. Beyond the Louis Vuitton, Christian Louboutin labels, your level of reasoning and intellect would put you ahead of others and bring you respect and cause you to sit in high places especially when God is on your team too.

 

And please sisters, don’t you ever think marriage is the ultimate prize for you as a woman, living out your dreams and purpose is. Being a Mrs. won’t automatically bring you better fortunes you would still have to work at it. So why not start now? More so, if your hubby would sit at the gate with elders, it’s pertinent that you know what the elders discuss. Else, you will either end up with a guy who like you, has no business at the elders council or with one whom you will accessorize his house and will be comfortable parading your beauty to his friends and colleagues. I don’t know which could be more frustrating.

Read books and read articles more, I discovered that articles are easier to read than books, they are always short and precise. Make google your friend; it has taught me countless things.

                Sista-oh-sista, don’t just be spiritual. Know a little of everything, and live a happily interesting life. Christianity is not synonymous to mediocrity or a boring life.

 

Image credits: Eightworks Photgraphy 070-3726-7713

Model: Uduak Umanah

 

Raise Your Glass

I like that I was born in January, and the 4^th day of the year at that! It gives me the privilege to do all the stock-taking, goal setting, vision-writing all at once by the start of the new year and most times I wait till the 3^rd or 4^th as that starts another countdown for me. So today, I’ll be taking stock of my life, some pruning here and there, think about adding more virtues, write goals, reflect on days past and give thanks.

This one is a bit different though as I step into another decade, I see this as a landmark. Gradually, I’m getting old and moving into my mid-year phase, God be praised. The way time rolls beat me, when was it that I was 18, just some few years ago now. I can’t forget the excitement as I went to register for my voters’ card, if I could get drivers’ license without driving knowledge I could have done that that very year, I felt like an adult, a very young one but here I am now, everything reminds me I’m no longer that young especially these market women; those days they call out and say ‘sisi mi, e ba mi ra eja o’ but in the last few months all I hear from them is ‘mama aburo, e ba mi ra eja o’. Most times I chuckle when I hear that, Bimbola is suddenly mama aburo and mind you, I take no ‘aburo’ to the market. It’s just plainly obvious I’m no longer ‘sisi mi’

I’ve come this far by God alone, what do I have that I have not received? Nothing! God has kept watch over me and all that is mine, I’m so grateful.  I really wish I could throw a party and dance wild. You know that kind of dancing like it’s a Sony Sound System Advert? Hands in the air swinging wide, head thrown back and forth, heart throbbing hard, loud barring music with a glass of whatever in hand…but erm… I get cold feet when I think about it; I should honestly try this, get me some good lyrics and just dance out my heart. I should, God deserves more praise.

It’s been quite a journey but I’m here today, happy and grateful. I’ve had my shares of failures, I count them as events, no big deal, every day is a new chance. I’ve had my shares of broken trust but ain’t we all humans? I’m sure I would have failed some people too. I’m blessed with an awesome family and friends that have so much love and hugs to throw around…I’m grateful.

 I found God and love him better each day, one good reason to be grateful.  I’m gradually settling down in a niche that suits me ( a bit late, right), yet I’m grateful.

So for all that has been; my happy moments, trying periods, secret pains, loving relationships, God’s blessings and faithfulness, I want to take make a toast, yes, I'm taking that honour by myself for myself. So raise your glass while I make the toast; a toast to a better life, a life of love that overflows to all around me, a life that speaks volume of God’s original intention for man, a toast to a beautiful home and another journey of a better decade.

CHEERS!

I love this image a lot. I put it up when I get really happy. I couldn't resist putting it up