As much as I would have loved you to think that I’m a saint
and I have everything in place, we all know it’s not true so there is no need
for the façade, every man especially me, is work in progress because God isn’t
through with me yet. So from the construction site, I bring you a brief report.
It’s not a full one though as the contractor is still busy on site but I tell
you, he’s done with this side of the project and it’s a good job I say. He’s
best at what he does and here is the report.
Have you ever being in a state of envy? I’m not saying
you’re being envied or you ‘think’ someone known or unknown is being envious of
you, I’m talking about you being the culprit, you are the one envying, the one
who wishes to be the other girl, well, I slipped into that and didn’t even stay
there alone, took it a step further, I didn’t want to see her!
I grew up being carefree; if I didn’t have it or couldn’t
have it, then it wasn’t mine, I wouldn’t lose sleep or blink an eye over
anything that wasn’t mine, not even the most gorgeous of dresses or fanciful
shoes, I only admired and moved on, my mum saw to that initially and God
ensured I stayed that way. I just didn’t care about any other person’s
materials or things I couldn’t afford. I had my eyes only on mine, if I was
getting anything it was because I needed it and could afford it not because a
friend had it. I wouldn’t just be given to vanities. Plus, I loved people and
would be happy for anyone who is doing fine, happy with anyone who had or did
not have, I could love anything or anybody, I was a happy cheer leader.
Then last year, I began to bear a grudge. I didn’t like her
and I could justify my feelings, I told myself how selfish and inconsiderate
and cold she was, how she was always looking out for herself alone and how she
could never be my friend and bla bla bla plus she had this beautiful ‘enviable’
platonic relationship that I in my ‘sainthood’ thought she didn’t deserve. I
was gradually beginning to resent her.
I didn’t know it was a big deal until her name could make my
heart beat faster, and then I knew there was a big problem; I had slipped out
of love into being something else. My
eyes were off track and counting another person’s blessings, who made me judge
and friendship allocator, hey? I had allowed the wrong seed to grow. I needed
to get it uprooted and get right with God. It was no longer about her, not
about anything she could have been or not be but about God and I. Did God not
say to earnestly desire and pursue love, for God is love?
I had to work out my salvation with fear and trembling,
telling myself how much of God’s love is in my heart to share. Yes, I took it
further by being genuinely interested in things that concerned her and
confessing God’s word concerning her.
After a while, stuffs that triggered the resentments no longer had
meaning to me, my eyes were again on the beautiful things in God’s plan for my
life and the beautiful relationships he has brought along my path and my
countless blessings. I think we get jealous when we count other’s peoples
blessings rather than ours, well, my eyes are back on mine!
I’m happy this is done with, no resentments, no envy, no
jealousy! I’m God’s work in progress and I am fully assured He isn’t quitting
site yet until I attain full maturity and walk into his glory.
