Do not call me dear, if I don't call you honey.

It's common place around here to greet an elderly person or 'egbon' as they love to bear 'good morning' and he or she lifts up a hand to give you a dismissing 'how are you?'.  Nigerians are well known for answering questions by posing another question, so it's almost permissible to respond to a greeting by asking a question.
When asked "how are you?", you will think the answer matters to them, they really do not want to know if you are fine, broke, busted, or hungry. Not like they care. It's just the 'egbon' syndrome. Egbons ask the younger ones 'how are you?'... I am yet to see anyone fire "how are you?" at the boss when he or she comes in and says good morning. The chorus would automatically be 'good morning sir/ ma'. "How are you?" has been reserved for the younger or subordinate.

Some add endearment to theirs, 'how are you, my dear'....Most occurrences, the 'dear' is a girl, woman, or a small child especially when it is coming from a non-relative. The younger men get "how are you my boy?",  "how are you my brother?"
Office environments are no longer kept official especially when it's a first name basis relationship, Nigerians go the extra mile to stop being official but endearing. That we relate on first name basis doesn't mean you are special to me or I am to you in  the office. Do not call me dear, if I don't call you honey.

So there is this new elderly man at the office security post, he should have been around for close to a month. For every 'good morning' or good 'anything' I extend to him, he replies with 'xxxxxxx my dear' , good morning my dear, good night my dear....I thought he was going to change.

Last week, 'the good night, my dear' almost spoiled my evening. I am your boss for crying out loud and I am not your sister or grandchild. Oh! yes! he is old! old enough to be a grand dad! old enough to be this and that...but this is an office, and you are not my dad and I am not your dear. I got into hubby's waiting car and told him how I felt with this oddity.

I was looking forward to the following morning for the greeting so as to deal with it. He didn't show up for another one week. Then this morning, he was there. As usual, he answered my greetings with a 'how are you, my dear'? .  So I looked straight into his eyes and told him, 'Oga, when next I greet you, just answer me good morning. Do not call me dear, I am not your dear'. He was shocked, his colleagues and supervisor were shocked, I was shocked too because normally, I endure all manners from the aged, but for crying out load, I'm tired of being everybody's dear.

Case closed!

'You are a big girl now, forget aso-odun'

So 2015 is here, I must admit it kind of crept in. I still have some 'To do in 2014' undone, some goals yet to be achieved and some dreams still hard to pin down, but we move on.

One should be excited about the cross-over night especially when you chose your activity for the night. I chose to spend mine at church but I wasn't too excited; I did say my thank you's to Him who owns my soul but at a point it felt like a drag; I was forcing the gratitude out as I had flashes of many things that could have been but didn't. 

 The invited minister got up and started talking about me kind of; burdened heart, weary body, dashed hopes, bounced checks....he was just peeping into my heart and talking. Then he quoted Habakuk "Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation......"  oh! peace flowed through me.  Then I offered praises from my heart, telling God though I wanted the fig trees to blossom but still I'll praise him....it felt good eventually. It's hard to praise God when your Christmas check bounced. 

You see, my Christmas check was returned. Arrrr! My heart almost stopped beating, I've made plans. This period isn't just about the holidays, I have more financial commitments this period, some good works and some goodies for myself. I had been obsessed about 'aso-odun' for a while. I wanted a teal lace with bright-in-your-eyes yellow accessories, matching gele and maybe a 'bad' shoe to die for.  My buddy and I had made plans when to hit Balogun, buy the lace, buy neck and ear pieces with a matching gele. It was going to be a bright Christmas until the check was returned. 

But then, I consoled myself it would clear before the new year. I had called the account owner and he apologized telling me to represent the check. Then Christmas came and left, I fought the bad feeling that would come with that experience, I could execute every other plans but for the aso-odun. So I told myself, you are a big girl now, forget aso-odun. My friends and I had fun and was even at Agodi Parks and Resort Garden (That place is bliss, you should visit!) 

Presenting the check after Christmas holidays, I was fully assured I'll have money to blow around. I would console myself with a big pot of goat pepper soup on the 1st day of the 2015, boil ripe plantain, pop wine and blast music. Then cook a pot of rice for hubby's abokis; Abdullahi, Sanni and their friends. So imagine my despair when I got the bad news as a bank notification, the check didn't clear the second time. 

If I was White one would have seen the colour drain out of my face. My heart was sinking fast and before it got to my feet, I had to sit, then lie down. This time, I did the right thing between the issuer and myself; I ended our contract abruptly.

If the check was just about pepper soup, I can head to any 'mama ope' and buy me a steaming hot bowl of well spiced pepper soup, but my birthday would be in another 5 days and I had made plans too; host 30 friends, do some acoustic worship, dine, merry, take pictures, have fun. That would cost money too but the check was returned.

So, while in church, my mind was going to stay on that silly check. It was hard to concentrate but I won, if He won't withhold his son from us, would he not freely provide pepper soup and boiled plantain? 

So today is 1st of another 365. I'm home, I didn't make plans to go out, so I'm watching TV, popped wine, ate rice, stayed on twitter, revised goals, got angry, got excited, danced to songs without drums....and would maybe buy me that steaming hot goat meat pepper-soup later in the evening if the desire doesn't fizzle out.

It's the beginning of a fresh start, nothing would spoil the day for me. 

Awon onigbese jatijati!

Meet the new D.O.P. in town

You don’t know your limits, how far you can stretch until you try- and this is no motivation talk; it’s from an experience I had.


There were some things I thought I would never be able to do, that I had no capacity for. I knew I could write to express myself but being a director of photography, telling a story with pictures looked almost impossible but I needed to make this happen at work to create a beautiful experience.


Here is how I conquered; I called uncle K (Kelechi Amadi-Obi) and asked to sit with him for few minutes. Uncle K gave me sixty minutes of his time and taught me how to create a mood board. I did and created a theme.


I went back to the office and sat with P&Y team and together brainstormed on props and settings.


The D-day came and I got all props and executed these beautiful work. Ijeoma is known more as Ozichi and the cutie, Zemira is her spirited daughter. Check out the pictures and tell me if I am a good DOP…















The guitar girl





















Time for the mama-girl dance












do as I do





You should buy this copy of Pregnancy and You magazine to see all the other beautiful pictures and read Ozichi's story. Check out Pregnancy and You on facebook and connect for more info

I'm so excited!!!

Oh I missed out my picture -

Nostalgia : Pleasant Memories

It was a Thursday morning and I was walking behind these cute boys and their mom heading to school. Mom was holding the younger one, while the other walked beside them carrying his school bag and food pack in his white joggers and blue vest; Thursdays must be their sport activity day.

Little brother dropped his pencil but momma wasn't looking at them, she concentrated on making it to school as depicted by her pace. The little one had to signal to his brother to pick up the pencil; little big brother did and held on to the pencil. Like a flash, the little one protested and made some funny faces at his brother who didn't wait to think about anything before handing the pencil over to its owner. I smiled! God knows how many times the pencil would drop before their final destination. And that brought me pleasant memories.

Growing up, my big brother led me to nursery class every day. We got a coin each for lunch and I would hold my 10 kobo in my hand. School was a little distance down the quarters and we trekked like most kids. The bladder holds so little and for shorter periods as kids and I was no exception, it only came with the drama of most cute girls (winks).  

You know little girls can be dramatic when they have to pee, I think they wait till their tiny bladder is about to give way before frantically pull down the panties and pull up their dress with some funny dance to accompany the activity. I would stop by to pee and most time I dropped the coin unknowingly while ‘doing’ the drama.

Time after time, I dropped the coin and when I grasped that the coin was gone, and I would cry so hard that Niyi would give me his coin. Sweet brother! Yet I never allowed him to hold the coin for me till we get to school.

Now, I think Niyi should have collected the coin from home and kept till we got to school or he should have allowed me cry out my eyes if I refused and loose the coin eventually. But wasn't that why we were children; pure in thoughts, innocence in acts and naive in reasoning?

I didn't have the honour of harvesting this act as my younger brothers went to a different nursery school.  God knew I may not have given them my coin.

Sweet thing is big brother still has my back till now, grown and no longer in the same nest, he still shares his stuff with his father’s daughter.

PS- this is my Neyoski as I call him 

Bimbola and  Niyi 

WOULD YOU RIDE WITH ME?

I remember the first time I came across the word joy-ride, I thought it would mean just what it looks like, a joy ride, you could imagine the disappointment when I ‘googled’ it.  I added it mentally to my compiling list of words that I have strong opinions about, words like nostalgia, bucket-list, ambiguous, gusto and many more because I had a funny idea of what I thought those words should mean. I thought nostalgia should mean irritating or something close to that,  like nauseating,  then ambiguous should mean something big and obvious and I thought joy-ride would mean taking a happy ride, hands in the air, wind in the face thing; not true. In fact, taking a joy-ride is criminal according to Wikipedia. I have no explanation for why I thought about these words that way, I am not a native speaker of the language and my imagination is allowed to go wild about words. I’m working on speaking English in my dreams, and then I would be sure I have overcome this grammar ‘thing’ eventually. lol.

Joy-ride: dictionary.com meaning-  

1.a pleasure ride in an automobile, especially when the vehicle is driven recklessly or used without theowner's permission.

2. a brief, emotionally exciting interlude

Joy-ride: my definition-

1. happy ride, in an open roof car driving on high speed on a road free of bumps and traffic, or exciting ride on a happy wild horse on mountain sides

2. a brief, emotionally exciting interlude …you get the picture?

I am just sticking to my definition for this piece because I want a joy-ride, my two definitions though, nothing criminal.

Would it not be really cool to take a smooth ride from the mainland in a convertible (maybe the Ford Mustang) to a far place like Badagry? You know,  getting high on some hard or soft rock all the way, no traffic jam, no pot holes, air in the hair and getting to one of the beautiful beaches of Badagry, walking bare-foot and drinking from the tender coconut its water? That would be some good evening for me, I could be tempted to sleep under the stars till day break…sigh!
Some little excitement is good for the soul and body, life shouldn't be all seriousness, we aren't coming out alive anyway, so don’t only set goals and more goals and more goals, live and live well. What happened to exploring? Like visiting different countries of the world or even remote villages and mountain climbing with some friends? Or driving through the desert for the sake of it? Getting on a roller-coaster; I've never done that before and would like to though I learnt I could get the fainting spell, or what about swimming in the ocean? (I’m just kidding about the ocean thing; I still get lily-livered at the sight of the rushing waves)

Photo credit: Vroomgirls.com

Talk about adventures and fun, I am a wild dreamer, I should become a wild doer and stop dreaming, maybe I need a willing partner, who knows- we could get on a speed boat together, what can God not do?

I saw this quote somewhere and it justified my desire for heart-pumping fun “Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto” Dale Carnegie

So for this forth-coming holiday, I need to make the blood pump faster, would you take a joy-ride with me?

TO LEND MONEY PEOPLE IS HUMAN, TO COLLECT IT IS DIVINE

Lend (v)- to grant the use of something on condition that it or its equivalent will be returned.

My brother tweeted this some days back and I laughed hard and then stated that it was a painful bad truth. Most times, one needs divine intervention to collect back something (money in most occurrences) that was collected in privy. When the borrower comes to borrow, he asks that you be excused if there’s an eager third party and you step out to have the quiet talk spiced with many promises and a lot of swearing… “God knows I will repay”, “I promise!”... “walahi!”... “I won’t disappoint”…

Fast forward to due date, you would expect his/her call till you have seemingly waited for ever, and then when the guy calls, he’s in a hurry to end the call and says “sorry, please send your account details”. Hope rising, you send the account details and wait endlessly for the bank notification. Unending wait I tell you.

A friend shared some of his experiences with me lately about “good people” that he lent money to and when it was time to refund, the “good people” pulled off their masks and showed him how nasty they could be. By the time he got to the third story, I was tempted to ask him how he managed to keep on burning his fingers… honestly, the guy must have “burnt” all of 10 fingers. And the effrontery people have when they owe you! Someone even abused him so much and told him to stop feeling like a rich dude! So much for being helpful

It’s not just awful that you have tarnished your integrity as I am NEVER eager to lend defaulters again you are also blocking other people’s chances. Some people genuinely need money that they are not able to pull together at the time of need and a helping hand is needed to save the day but if the lender has horrible experiences of defaulters in time past, he is most likely going to turn a deaf hear as he doesn’t know if he would ever get to be repaid.

Now “remember” to pay anyone you have borrowed from, not necessarily because you like to, but because your friend, brother, sister or anyone else may need financial assistance and it won’t be fair that your failure to refund has influenced their being denied.  What goes round comes round eventually.

It’s possible things haven’t turned out like you expected and you don’t have the money yet, be courteous enough to show remorse and apologize for not being able to pay nevertheless. Who knows? You may get a voluntary write-off of the debt. This is better than acting up, I tell you.

Do I owe you? Buzz my line ASAP (lol)

Amiable Jonathan

Now before you judge me, let me be quick to say that I am not a supporter of His Excellency, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan not because I do not come from Otueke and its environs but because I thought of him as a weakling and still do, although now I have more adjectives for him including wicked and coward.

Looking back into our last 10 months as a nation, we have been thrown from one state of rumpus to another and all can be traced back to the leaders that we chose in 2011. I would have loved to say that the present leadership of this nation was imposed on us but truth be told, these unworthy leaders (or sorry, rulers- as they are not leading anyone)   made their way up to the presidency because we did not set our priorities right as a nation; we voted based on sentiments.

I did not vote for the ruling party because they had no ideals that were sellable to me.  It was heart breaking for me to discover at the polling booth then that majority of the older generation came out en-masse to vote for Goodluck because no one from his side of the country had never been president, and some thought Jonathan is amiable. Such sentiments!

I have been thinking so much about this amiable president that we have, he has failed the country in many ways but he has not let down the people who think he is amiable. He has proven that he is readily agreeable; Goodluck Jonathan has not for once stood up against the enemies of our country or the citizens. He has been cordial with the menace in this society, from Boko Haram bombings to unending looting of the national treasury. It’s not his fault; he is simply amiable.

The North is on fire, and our amiable President looks away, when he says anything about the bombings, you almost can read his speech along side with him “We commiserate with the family of the bereaved….” And that line that I detest because it’s not true “we are on top of the situation”

There was no 51^st anniversary of independence because even GEJ was afraid of Boko Haram, Corp members have been denied of the glamour of their Passing out Parade because we all do not know where and when the next bombs would go off, yet Jonathan is on top of the situation. Is our amiable Jonathan planting the bombs himself because I do not know why he claims to be on top of the situation when these bombings are escalating?

I do not agree that GEJ is amiable; ask Azazi, the President is busy fighting him while Boko Haram has a field day. I do not think GEJ is amiable; ask Timipre Sylva, he was ousted out of the looting business because he had issues with our amiable President. Jonathan finds his way around things he wants, like waiting around for the exit or demise of his boss and befriending those who would install him or chasing away protesters at any point.

My dad voted Goodluck in 2011 because he thinks he is good natured; the last time I asked him to appraise the good natured president, the old man sighed and said “may God help us in this nation, this man is something else”.

These days, I miss the days of OBJ, he had his flaws and many shortcomings and he was obviously not amiable but we were not being bombed, and I also thought if MGB had won the elections, may be we would never had heard of Boko Haram not because he is from the north but because he does not befriend the cabals and would not have danced to their tunes.

2015  (if we would correct this misatke of a presidency) looks like a decade away from now because our losses would not be quantifiable by then if our amiable president keeps looking the other way as his friends; the cabals, loot and bomb the nation.