Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Something lasting..

I've been thinking about this for a while and talking to myself and this is letting you in into my uttermost desire.
The hustling and bustling of life could easily take one away from the core of living, you get caught up in so many justifiable activities or causes that you sometimes forget why you are here. This day I am asking myself, what is this all about? the crave to live and live well, make money and make more money, to know and know more, care and be cared for, give and receive, pray and get answers, be on top of your game and know your onions ……endless lists

So I’m saying to myself, “Bb, don’t stay held down in that circle, there is more, stay connected to your core and be an experience”.

I don't want to leave a place and people don't remember I was there, I need something better than a perfume, a lasting fragrance; something kinda forever. Someone once shared how awful it is when you have spent a considerable part of your time with people and they forget you in no time, he calls it the nil experience, peeps don't remember you were there.

Been married for a while now, just wondering, do my parents miss me? As in for real, not just emotions, did I leave an experience with them for the 3 decades we spent together? Or am I ‘just a child’?

I lived a while with my pastor and his wife, does she miss my presence in the house? Was I just one church girl who lived with her?
What memories do my friends have of me? Talking buddies or what? (Anyway I know 2 who think I’m ‘da bomb’, they tell me all the time, *I LOVE YOU TOO GIRLS*)

 What does my boss think of me? Can she remember working with me when I leave? Have I been able to make an impression? I don't want to be just another employee with a file to her name.

I just want to be an experience, something kinda forever, some lasting joy, some bliss, some worthy memory. My heart cry is to be a game changer, I just want to be different, I want to be an experience…some sweet smelling lasting fragrance

So I’m making a choice, I’ll play only to an audience of one! My God and creator

I’ll play so hard He would vouch for me like he did for Job, I would play so hard, he would make me enviable like David, I would play so hard he would share secrets with me, walk in his steps, He can have my heart and use them to share the love, we’ll share his mind and I’ll be sound, I won’t be anything less than what he desires, that’s my heart desire and that is what I get.  I shall love the Lord, my God with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my might; that’s my way of playing hard, no other rules would work for me!

He can have my soul and fill it with his fragrance, then I’ll just spread the aroma, I need that fragrance like I need the breath in me, I can’t afford to just be another girl down the street. That alone would satisfy this yearning.    

The secret of the Lord is with those who fear him, he shares his covenants with them, he will share with me because I have resolved to come take a seat with him like never before, his face I would seek and his path I would work and together we shall leave imprints.


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