Thursday, 10 May 2012

Let's deal with it

Yesterday, I read on the story of a little girl who was repeatedly raped by her uncle until she got pregnant and I shivered. I did not shiver because I haven't heard or read about occurrences like this but because every time I see a movie and there is a scene on rape or abuse, I pick up the remote and forward the movie; if it's a book, I jump the pages; if it's on radio, I walk away or change the station. God bless me if it's a conversation, I either walk away or ask that we discuss something more pleasing to the ears; I always wished that these gory stories were untrue, but yesterday, I read that story, I mean, I read everything and re-read it again and I have done that this morning- I do not want to wish away these tales any longer! Let’s just deal with it.

I know a little girl who grew up amidst her cousins and uncles, when she was just around 5 years old, she had a particular male cousin who would finger her to satisfy his sexual orgies and he would do this over and over. He was not threatening to kill her if she tells her parent, he was not sweet-talking her into doing this, as far as the little girl knew, the cousin was just playing with her! She was lucky; 'the devil's play' did not grow beyond that till she left that environment. She could not tell her parents anything because as far as she was concerned, there was nothing to tell.

Back to that story I read, the 13 year old girl kept it to herself because her uncle threatened to kill her, and she also stated that “mama would never believe me and papa is never around to listen" and that shattered my heart. Why would mama not believe her own sweet girl in cases like this? Where is the mama-child connection in the first place? I thought mamas are guidance angels and children could always talk to them.

Did the girl ever have any 'sex-talk' with her parents? Growing up our parents (not only mine) had funny weird names for our sexual organs. Calling the "thing" its real name was to them vulgar and even you dare not try it.

I strongly believe that cases of uncles, teachers, house-helps and anyone molesting our little ones in silence would not be this rampant if parents would take the bull by the horns and educate their kids about sex.

Call the genitals by name; a penis is a P-E-N-I-S (sorry, but it's true). Tell them the correct names for their body parts, and use them every time. Don't use nicknames to refer to her genitals. This teaches her that the body is something to be hidden or masked. Correct terminology helps to understand and embrace the body without reservations or shame.

Teach them privacy- let her know her vagina is hers and it is private; no uncle, cousin, friend or teacher should touch her there. Tell him and her to say "no" to anyone who tries to touch his or her private parts against their wishes and get back to mummy and daddy about it.

Tell your girl you will always be there for her, start from her days as a toddler, let her build a stong support in you (including daddies too) . Let these angels know they can talk to you about any thing (from who took her toys to who pulled her hair and to who shares her seat in class) and that you won’t shove them away or disregard them. When they are grown, they would not entertain doubts about talking to you about any thing. 

As awkward as sex-talk might seem, remember each time you successfully tackle a sensitive topic, it gets easier the next time. Get yourself prepared, if your child is not asking, don't silently thank your stars that she is not asking, brace up your self and initiate the talk.
And please, do not wait till she is 13; by then, God forbid though, she might not need it any longer!!

Posted on by Bimbola Segun-Amao | 3 comments


  1. Bimbola you are very right. Ive neverbcalled privates by any other name to my girls. It is called vagina and that's what they call it. I never had sex education and will never make the same mistake with my girls. I learnt all about sex from my friends. It can be embarrassing and shocking when they "my vagina is itchy on the train" but I'd rather that than mis education. Well done girl!

  2. Dynamic BIG God11 May 2012 at 10:23

    God bless you Bimbola, I've heard series of cases like that of this thirteen years old, it's indeed a sad one however in this part of the world, all we do is talk or write about it, we do nothing about it. Most times cases like this are handled as family matters and never made public in the name of protecting the family name

  3. Dynamic BIG God11 May 2012 at 10:29

    Also to point out correctly that it is not only the female cjild that experiences sexual abuse, the male child also get the fair share of this demonic attack from aunts and house-help that we dont get to hear about because they do not get pregnant. the poor boy is then turned into a sex addict and enlarge his appetite for sex. if the abuser is no longer available, he looks for alternatives e.g masturbation, commercial sex workers and sorts. Bottom line, every child, boy or girl needs that pet sex-talk